…This Mortal Coil

Oh that Will Shakespeare…so ahead of his time. “Doth shuffle(d) off this mortal coil…” I guess now my days are REALLY numbered…but in a poetic, energy efficient way.

Who knew Hamlet could be quoted in response to energy saving, demonic (yes, demonic) CFL bulbs?

I broke one.

I didn’t mean to.

It was an accident.

Honest.

Do I need to lawyer up?

For the record, I did NOT purchase the CFL…it came with the floor model lamp I bought from Home Depot…so they, obviously will be a co-respondent/defendant in any and all litigation.

After attempting to rally from my recent killer bout of flu turned bronchitus turned heebeegeebees turned walking pneumonia, I thought it was about time to pack away my Snowmen (before they became pals with either the Leprechauns and/or the Easter Bunny–though that has happened in the past–but rest assured NONE have ever met up with Uncle Sam or any firecracker replica).

As I have stated many, many times, NO GOOD ever comes from housecleaning. In returning a lamp to its usual pre-mini-Christmas tree locale, I removed a lampshade (for ease of transport…I am still woozy) and I had to remove the CFL (or as Mark Steyn calls them ‘Curly Fry Lightbulb’) to unscrew the sconce thingy and I placed the demonically possessed bulb on its side…

And it didn’t so much roll as PROPEL itself (Suicide Bulber?) off the table onto the floor.

Even the dog knew it was a bad thing…and he attempts to snack upon worn baseball socks. Maybe because it was the bad word(s) I yelled or maybe my frantic run for plastic grocery bags (both things HE sees when he has an ‘accident’) but he even backed off.

It broke into six pieces. Six! Numerology anyone?

So I pick up the pieces holding my breath; forgetting EVERYTHING Steyn so humorously advised for clean up…just where are playing cards, a respirator mask, or undocumented, hunky radio hosts when you need one? Placed the pieces in a plastic bag; knotted that bag shut; put that bag in another bag; grabbed wet paper towel; held my breath some more; placed the mercury ladened paper towels I used to wipe the floor in the second bag that I put the first bag into; placed those bags in a multitude of other bags (all while my shelter rescued, 70 pound big galunk of a canine gave me that “look” the one that I know he is thinking ‘Just damn. Why couldn’t I have been adopted by Betty White?’

Some day future archeologists, scouring landfills will ‘find’ my baggage. That ball of Contrarian rolled plastic will survive the nuclear winter and/or my trash pick up day.

So after I played Hazmat EPA clean up site, we both sat…the dog looking at me; me looking at the floor (no chemical chain reaction nor any sort of fission occurred but you can never be too careful)…waiting for either the Grim Reaper or Al Gore.

I guess we will be okay…though the room DID grow dim (yes, the lack of a lamp will do that…but follow me here for the drama folks); and my breathing was labored (but I am an asthmatic recovering from some respiratory ailment and I had been thinking of Mark Steyn…so that could explain MOST of the breathlessness)…now…I just need to ponder my mortal coil.

And stock up on incandescent bulbs.

Billy Shakespeare and Betty White would, I think, both approve.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. rightmindedmoms
    Mar 01, 2011 @ 20:54:13

    And they are suppose to be the environmentally friendly bulbs! I guess no one thought about the toxic waste that is going to build up in the landfills when these bulbs, that burn out way before they claim they will, are thrown away.

    Reply

  2. bob
    Mar 02, 2011 @ 01:22:13

    Well, Mary dear, I’m relieved to know that you survived your encounter with the dreaded curly fry light bulb… but I agree that you need to go out and stock up on incandescents. That’s what I’m doing. Toxicity issues aside, fluorescent lighting is just too harsh, depressing, and institutional for me. I suppose it has its place — schools, dentist’s offices, hospitals — but its place is definitely NOT in my cozy little home.

    Reply

  3. Auntie Lib
    Mar 03, 2011 @ 04:47:37

    The curly fry bulb on the back deck burned out last week, so the doggies have to do their thing in the dark morning and evening. No way am I going to risk life and limb on the icy deck trying to change a small thermomercurial device. And I only put the “new” one in in October. Pretty sure that’s about how long the old edison model lasted. I think we’re being scammed on this one…

    Reply

    • maryohsocontrary
      Mar 03, 2011 @ 12:42:57

      We have been scammed…GE…huge Dem campaign donor and part of Team Obot.

      I just wanted to check in. Its been almost five days…and I am still (bitterly) clinging to life…

      Take THAT AlGore!!!

      Reply

  4. The Plague Fairy
    Mar 04, 2011 @ 00:07:38

    So glad to see you’re still with us. I do so enjoy your writings! From stink bugs to curly fry bombers… Where else can we go for such insights? Take good care of yourself, Ma’am.
    -The Plague Fairy

    Reply

  5. Dee
    Mar 08, 2011 @ 22:33:02

    This post made me laugh out loud! So sorry you had to deal with that. We don’t ‘do’ CFL’s in our house – but my dad installed a bunch for us when he hung some fixtures downstairs. I didn’t realize until after the fact that those things are toxic little deathtraps. Ugh..thanks dad.

    Reply

  6. Beverly
    Apr 03, 2011 @ 12:50:01

    Lucky me — I live in South Carolina and legislature was recently passed for incandescent light bulbs to be manufactured and used in this state. This, however comes, after I’ve already hoarded a half-closet full of bulbs in all wattages. http://www2.wspa.com/news/2011/mar/01/3/sc-bill-tries-avoid-federal-incandescent-light-bul-ar-1523623/

    Reply

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