“Its Pronounced DupeNik…”

And Vit-ree-all.

The words of the day, courtesy of America’s new ‘top cop’ (pronounced, political hack) Pima County, Arizona Sheriff Clarence Dupnik.

Who knew that ongoing criminal investigations to heinous acts of violence were caused by “vitriolic rhetoric that we hear day in and day out from people in the radio business and some people in the TV business…” and law enforcement could discern this IMMEDIATELY just by “living in America for seventy five years.”

Sheriff Clarence Dupnik does!

Dupnik, who has appeared on more television air time since the murderous, Saturday rampage in of a madman in Tuscon, than any number of TV cops in prime time or syndication. Why is that? Could it be that he is telling the media what they want to hear? Facts be damned?

Since Saturday’s first Dupnik press conference (pronounced, Democratic talking points–its the Tea Party! Its Sarah Palin’s fault! Its Limbaugh/Beck/Hannity/Savage etc fault!) we have learned that the shooter Jared Loughner in actuality is a pothead with a three year history of obsession with Congresswoman Giffords. A young man kicked out of his Community College for menacing his fellow students and teachers. A now established, by evidence, builder of Satanic altars, grammar fanatic, and conscious dream follower. No link (pronounced, evidence) to the Tea Party; Palin, or talk radio has been found…but that doesn’t stop Dupnik, television’s newest Cop Star who, apparently is always ‘ready for his close up’ from going with the far left script (pronounced libel).

Though Dupnik’s ‘looks’ could play with a passing likeness of the late Karl Malden’s Lt. Mike Stone (who dutifully kept the Streets of San Francisco safe for multiple seasons…til his partner, Michael Douglas libbed up the City by the Bay’s format) that’s about where the resemblance ends. Even the quirkiest of TV law enforcement all had scripted good sense to gather evidence. Barney Fife didn’t take that bullet out of his uniform shirt pocket unless the Mayberry found evidence required it; Steve McGarrett didn’t have Dan-O ‘book em’ until there was reason and probable cause; and NYPD’s Andy Sipowitz never showered til he had the facts. Lennie Briscoe kept the Law and Order by sticking to evidence; Kojak never unwrapped a Tootsie Pop without warrant; and Columbo may have bumbled along in a wrinkly raincoat, but at least his writers had a passing fancy with American juris prudence.

Not so much, though in the reality show that Clarence Dupnik has become. He is no Joe Friday sticking to the facts or even a Mick Belker taking a bite out crime up on Hill Street…no, the Dupnik media model is much more in keeping with the protector of the fictional town of Springfield; a TV cop who proudly made the move up from ‘hall monitor’ to Chief of Police…one Clancy Wiggum (and THAT can now be pronounced, Clarence Dupnik).

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. MRM
    Jan 11, 2011 @ 16:23:40

    I. Love. This. Post!!! Another home run MQC!! I read it on my phone earlier when I was in a meeting and should not have been snickering… hilarious!!! (pronounced BRILLIANT!)


  2. dave talley
    Jan 14, 2011 @ 14:42:50

    1. To attempt to use a tragedy or some other public event to score cheap and irrelevant political points against your opponents.
    2. Former phrase “jumped the shark” is now obsolete. It will henceforth be “Dupniked”, as in “Uh Oh, I think I just Dupniked.”
    3. Any absurdly stupid or transparently partisan statement.

    Members of Congress can say for example “Let’s just step back for a moment…We don’t want to Dupnik here”

    We should thank the sheriff for not only giving us a new to use, but for forever preventing the Dem’s from playing this particular card again. Given especially that Sean Hannity and others have so correctly pointed out all of the hatred and outrageous statements that Dem’s made in the past, even including the one congressman who now calls for civility yet back in October said the Republican candidate for Florida Governor should … “be taken out and shot”

    I love it

    remember DON’T BE A DUPNIK!



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