I’m a Birther, Your a Birther? Wouldn’t YOU Like to be a Birther, Too?

Leave it to the soon to be leaving Gibberish one (and just when IS his departure date??? Coinky dink that Keefy Olberwomyn is now ‘FREE”? but thats for another post…) . Yep, Gibbles let go one of his ‘bits’ today. On Barry Soertaro’s Birth Certificate:

Apparently, GAZILLIONS of Americans (or are they?) ‘SAW’ Barry “YEARS” ago and KNEW HE WAS BORN IN HAWAII. Did he really have his ‘Birth Certificate plastered on his forehead’ as once threatened and I missed it? Or are there ‘special’ Americans who can ‘divine’ such things (well at least when Divinity’s like wannabe Messiahs are involved). Because in my experience, even ‘little’ things like youth sports REQUIRE ‘raised seal’ Birth Certificates…but it appears, that the Bar (starting in Illinois) was ‘lowered’ on vetting all things Duh Won such that 12 year old, sand lot pitchers are held to a higher standard than that of Reader of the Free World.

In the future, I can envision the ‘Soetaro Line.’ Like the Mendoza Line of Mediocrity…(the low point statistically where one can still be called a Pro baseball player) the Soetaro Line of Authenticity will be a combination OFFICIAL validation based upon psychic readings, crayon drawings, and ‘feelings, woe, woe, woe feelings’ that the applicant is certified to do ANYTHING from playing Little League short stop, to entering an Ivy League school to carrying the Nuclear Football.

I would have called it the ‘Gibberish Line’ but that one involves lining up neat piles of excrement…and only those ‘Soetarized’ graduates of Journalism School (wink, wink) need apply it.

GloBull Worming?

Its in the National Enquirer.

Now the New York Slimes might be ‘the Old Gray lady’ of journalism…but the Enquirer is the middle aged, tanning boothed, roots not showing ‘mom’ of journalism. Think Snooki with spell check, an estrogen patch, and a newswonk’s purpose.

The reliable, though gossipy, yet seemingly ALWAYS correct Enquirer has proclaimed that our _resident, needs wormed:


They report (and I guess we decide) that the jet setting Reader of Free World ‘picked up’ the parasite last year. In Hawaii. How convenient. Could he have also stopped and picked up his Long Form Hawaiian Birth Certificate? But I digress…

Now this is a man who travels with his own Chef; no doubt the Secret Service ‘checks’ the food and its preparation, but has somehow picked up a parasite. A worm. Somehow, something got ‘into’ his Barracky Road…

The Israeli’s test STUXNET and bring down Iranian nuclear centrifuges; yet somehow the most ‘powerful man on the Planet’ (lolz…this isn’t about George Soros but instead)…his BFF Barry somehow comes down with a third world malady usually reserved spring breakers who actually drink water? Is this some kind o fluke (pun intended)?

The ‘paying attention’ world is noticing that something is making Duh Won, the Super Skinny Won. And rather than ‘traditional’ journalistas saying ANYTHING disparaging…well…its a dirty job…let the tabloid do it.

What ‘story’ works best?

Stress? Doubtful as no world leader ‘vacays’ more.

Pressures of the job? Nah…Valerie Jarett is holding up pretty well.

A real ‘non-parasitic’ health issue? Could it be that ‘I went to the Ouhu shave ice stand, and look what I got’ explanation is a cover for something more serious. I sure hope not…but it seems the ‘trial balloons’ (or sample sizes of Pina Coolada ice) are being served these days by the TRUE journalists (who knew ‘first’ of blue dresses and Presidential candidate paternity claims) at the National Enquirer.

Those who report the antics of Nicole Polizzi may become the Neo Pulitzer with the breaking story of a President who is a fluke in more ways than Won.

Ok…so I am a Little Spooked…

As well as irritable, headachy and crampy. I am retaining fluids and I have a ‘middle aged zit’ the size of North Dakota that has taken to life on my chin.

My middle aged hormones are not being kind. But, as always, life goes on.

So I go to work today…do my hours. Make several errand stops on the way home. Just minding my own bidness…

My first stop, my neighborhood Target…or Tar-Jayh as I like to call it. I like the ‘big red bullseye’ even more now that I know ‘target’ and bullseyes (or for that matter surveyor’s markings) are terribly unPC. So…I pick up my ‘Tar-Jayh sells this stuff for less than the grocery store list.’ And please note that EVERY PRODUCT I placed in my buggy could be used by either gender. 3 types of Thomas’ bagels ($2.99 each there–$4.29 at the grocery store!!!); Target brand body wash; a 12 pack of Diet Pepsi; Mrs. Dash (again more than a dollar saved) and two bags of Dunkin Donuts Cinnamon Spice coffee (I had a $2.00 off two bags coupon that was going to expire at the end of the month AND Target had the coffee marked down to $7.00 per bag). I bought no ‘girlie’ type things; nothing that would note at check out that I wasn’t ‘BarryOhSoContrary’ EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I USED MY DEBIT CARD…so…when my receipt prints out…I get ONE COUPON…NOT for any Target brand body wash; anything in the Mrs. Dash product line; anything Dunkin Donuts or coffee related…nope. I got plunked in my PMSing hand “$2.50 off two U by Kotex products” and the creepy little paper suggests to me that I should ‘stock up on my period stash.’ WHAT?!?!?!?!

I gain my composure; put my purchases in my cargo area of my little Jeep; and go to my next stop, my local grocery store…Giant Eagle. Like many grocery stores, Giant Eagle (or as I have called them since my youth…’The Big Bird’) has a frequent shopper card (their is an Advantage Card). You accrue saving on their gas stations’ gas (and can get free tanks full…being the bargain shopper I am…I coast in on fumes) and you get ‘special’ savings on instore items weekly. Admittedly they ‘track your purchases’ to give you discounts on product you use most…yada yada ding dong. So…I grab a little hand basket and set off to buy five, TOTALLY NONDESCRIPT, GENDER NEUTRAL ITEMS (a 12 ounce pack of mushrooms from produce; store brand nacho chips; bakery sausage buns; store brand waffles and a bag of their brand frozen french fries). Any human of any age (or stage of fertitility) could buy and eat that same list? Right???

So I get to the Giant Eagle check out, present my Advantage Card, once again use my debit card and along with my receipt I get ONE COUPON this time for $1.50 off ‘any Stayfree product.’ WTH???

Is it pheromones? Am I somehow emitting some ‘frequency’ that the oh so delicate computer scanners detect? Is it the big honking zit on my chin? Or, really creepy in a Big, Really Odd, Lives in His Mom’s Basement, Fetishy Big Brother way is there some master computer in the sky that tracks my purchases in 28/56/84 day cycles?

I can’t even explain this eerie ‘coupon machine knows my bodily functions’ away with ‘well it must some big marketing push…’ because they are product discounts from two different companies!!!

Its logical and good marketing when Jiffy Lube sends me a post card reminding me my Jeep needs an oil change and lube. Its quite another for my local retailers to keep track of MY bodily fluids and remind me ‘its that time of the month.’

And people kid me about my affinity for aluminum foil. But do I EVER GET A REYNOLDS WRAP COUPON?

Together We Contrive…

To kick off Barry Soetaro’s 2012 Presidential bid. (Take THAT pale, skinny, FaceBook lady from Alaska!).

Wednesday night’s ‘Mournapalooza’ (hat tip to Joy Tiz at Canada Free Press) is being touted as the ‘defining’ speech of Obama’a tenure. Okay…if that’s what they want…

Proclaimed near Biblical in tone (really, actually Biblical with both Big Sis and Eric Holder reading the words of the Original ‘Big Guy’–no, not George Soros) full of Hope and Miracles(tm)!!! Did they flood the Hospital parking lot so that Dear Reader could ‘walk in on water?’ I know, I know…that wouldn’t be ‘green’ but…

Who hasn’t been at a Memorial where they were greeted with a tee-shirt at their seat?
What, no swag bags? I guess the original Obama new age blue would have been too obvious, instead the ‘planners’ came up with a off navy shirt (kind of the blending of Barky Blue and SEIU purple…Yes We Can!) Did any of the deep thinkers who decided to churn out, oh 20,000 plus tee-shirts (at at cost of $60,000–paid for by the University of Arizona–thanks parental student loan takers of the Grand Canyon State!!!) ever consider how the victims families (memba them???) would feel (and aren’t libs ALWAYS about feelings???) seeing the tee shirts at the grocery store??? Do they need a constant, shrink proof cotton reminder?


All of this raises two questions, were these Union made of ‘Erf friendly, unbleached cotton,’ and, how will the hiring of the ’round the clock’ silkscreen staff affect Arizona January employment numbers???

Somewhere the Wellstone family weeps. They never thought of ‘Officially Licensed’ totebags and keyfobs.

“Its Pronounced DupeNik…”

And Vit-ree-all.

The words of the day, courtesy of America’s new ‘top cop’ (pronounced, political hack) Pima County, Arizona Sheriff Clarence Dupnik.

Who knew that ongoing criminal investigations to heinous acts of violence were caused by “vitriolic rhetoric that we hear day in and day out from people in the radio business and some people in the TV business…” and law enforcement could discern this IMMEDIATELY just by “living in America for seventy five years.”

Sheriff Clarence Dupnik does!

Dupnik, who has appeared on more television air time since the murderous, Saturday rampage in of a madman in Tuscon, than any number of TV cops in prime time or syndication. Why is that? Could it be that he is telling the media what they want to hear? Facts be damned?

Since Saturday’s first Dupnik press conference (pronounced, Democratic talking points–its the Tea Party! Its Sarah Palin’s fault! Its Limbaugh/Beck/Hannity/Savage etc fault!) we have learned that the shooter Jared Loughner in actuality is a pothead with a three year history of obsession with Congresswoman Giffords. A young man kicked out of his Community College for menacing his fellow students and teachers. A now established, by evidence, builder of Satanic altars, grammar fanatic, and conscious dream follower. No link (pronounced, evidence) to the Tea Party; Palin, or talk radio has been found…but that doesn’t stop Dupnik, television’s newest Cop Star who, apparently is always ‘ready for his close up’ from going with the far left script (pronounced libel).

Though Dupnik’s ‘looks’ could play with a passing likeness of the late Karl Malden’s Lt. Mike Stone (who dutifully kept the Streets of San Francisco safe for multiple seasons…til his partner, Michael Douglas libbed up the City by the Bay’s format) that’s about where the resemblance ends. Even the quirkiest of TV law enforcement all had scripted good sense to gather evidence. Barney Fife didn’t take that bullet out of his uniform shirt pocket unless the Mayberry found evidence required it; Steve McGarrett didn’t have Dan-O ‘book em’ until there was reason and probable cause; and NYPD’s Andy Sipowitz never showered til he had the facts. Lennie Briscoe kept the Law and Order by sticking to evidence; Kojak never unwrapped a Tootsie Pop without warrant; and Columbo may have bumbled along in a wrinkly raincoat, but at least his writers had a passing fancy with American juris prudence.

Not so much, though in the reality show that Clarence Dupnik has become. He is no Joe Friday sticking to the facts or even a Mick Belker taking a bite out crime up on Hill Street…no, the Dupnik media model is much more in keeping with the protector of the fictional town of Springfield; a TV cop who proudly made the move up from ‘hall monitor’ to Chief of Police…one Clancy Wiggum (and THAT can now be pronounced, Clarence Dupnik).

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