Homeland Security Keeping da Burgh Safe…

From icky, ill-colored, not sewn…but (audible gasps!!!) silkscreened Pittsburgh Penguin Winter Classic fake memorabilia.

  • http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/pittsburgh/s_715796.html
  • The Third Official National Hockey League ‘Winter Classic’ will be held THIS Saturday, at a specially frozen rink set up at Pittsburgh’s Heinz Field (the Stillerz are in Cleveland n’at, so its okel dokel that Mario’s franchise ‘borrows’ the facilities for the day).

    For those of you who aren’t Hockey Zealots (and you know who you are!) the Winter Classic is the PREMIER, non-play off game of the NHL season, played at an outdoor sports venue and broadcast across North America by NBC. This year, for the second time, the Pittsburgh Penguins (captained by Canadian Olympic Gold Medal Winner/NHL Star Scoring Leader/NHL marketing bonanza, story book persona and all around ‘good guy’ Sidney Crosby) will host the Washington Capitals (who have the ‘anti-Sid the Kid’ Russian, Alexandr Ovechkin as their leader…ha…think Cold War/Red Army type who plays in OUR Nation’s Capital–cleverly named franchise, huh?–and soooo telling of the political climate in DC). NBC is even running a promo commercial showing cutie patootie, all(North)American looking (he’s Canadian) Crosby staring down the clearly Commie Ovechkin…and it starts to storm; and the stare gets ‘colder’ and it turns to a fierce blizzard (and I am NOT talking cute WordPress snowflakes either…) No. Its North America (sortof American, in a NAFTA way) vs. the Commies (who are mostly North American’s also…but that doesn’t make for a ‘fierce’ NBC promo).

    As our esteemed Veep, Joe ‘BiteMe’ Biden would say…’its a big effing deal.’

    All 65,000 plus seats (along with standing room only) sold out minutes after they went up for sale online. Hockey fans (and native, holiday returning Yinzers) from around the world are flying into the (Ice)Burgh for the game. Hotel rooms are booked; restaurants will be filled; limo drivers hired…you get the picture. And like every sporting event…there must be souvenirs. Right down to the morphing of Pittsburgh’s iconic Terrible Towel into NHL/LemieuxGroup/MyronCopeTrust officially licensed terry cloth.

    And into the fray came the counterfitters…with Replica Jerseys that are NOT officially licensed. Okay…I am a conservative…I fundamentally agree that copyrights must be protected (along with intellectual properties). And I concur that those who own that Penguin likeness deserve to be the only ones to sell it…but does it REALLY TAKE THREE!!! federal alphabet agencies to save the hockey fans of Pittsburgh from silkscreening?

    The United States CUSTOMS AND BORDER PROTECTION; along with US POSTAL INSPECTORS and (here it comes!) THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY ALL, repeat, ALL played a roll in confiscating 792 NHL fake jerseys.

    Whew…as a resident of the Pittsburgh metro area I CAN REST EASY tonight.

    Our southern border (and I am NOT referencing West Virginia!) is wide open. And ‘Big Sis’ is worried that someone might get a fake Malkin jersey? (I personally see Janet as a HUGE Gino fan). Please…someone tell me that maybe one ‘agent’ from each of the listed US governmental branches just exchanged an email or two…and that the Pennysylvania State Police (or Pittsburgh’s finest in blue) pulled over a tractor trailer for, say a broken tail light, and poof…792 ‘fakes’ fell outta the back. Because I cannot ‘rest easy’ (as a Yinzer, a hockey fan, or an American) if it has really come down to our Federal agents infiltrating junk jersey web pages and being all ‘so, does that look like official Penguin ‘ice blue’ to you Agent Williams, or do you see THAT blue as more of a robin’s egg hue?’ Or, ‘Agent Gonzalez, did you see the crappy stitching on that retro skating Guin decal? Oh snap, that is soooo bootleg and will totally unravel after one or two washes…quick…get the warrant and the media!’ J. Edgar Hoover, during his ‘dress up days’ never was so concerned about shades, tones and stitching…as the Penz most excellent radio announcer, Mike Lange, would say (and I see him referencing Napalitano here)…”she wants to sell my monkey…” but only if its officially licensed.

    Let’s go Pens!!! And let’s ‘get real’ Feds…

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    Oooops, President Urkel ‘Did It Again.’

    Did I do that? Jaleel White used to nasally intone regaled in all his Steve Urkel finery.

    The tall, skinny, nerdy–yet genius, awful at sports black kid, sporting the big square, thick glasses, the suspenders holding up the too short ‘flood’ pants…oh the look, the geekiness of it all…young Mr. White played into iconic stature. But…who knew that in Hawaii* there had been another nerdy, geeky, purported genius,** tall skinny black kid (substitute wildly inappropriate surfer teeshirts for the ABC sitcom supplied Urkel sweaters) who would ALSO come to lead a half hour like, laugh tracked existance in a ‘mythical’ Chicago setting as well.

    Barrack Obama IS Urkel…all grown up. Just like Steve Urkel had an odd almost stalkerish, approval seeking attraction to the neighboring Winslow family; Barky has an odd, dysfunctional, attention seeking attraction to all things pop/counter culture starting with his attraction to the Ayers family (in his Second City neighborhood). Bill and Bernadette WERE his Winslows; they even helped him morph (like the nerdy Steve Urkel into the cool, smack talking Stefan Urkelle during the fifth–and what does THAT say about our country??? Five years of that crap–season of Family Matters ) from Barry Soetaro, kid from…ahhh, someplace officially undocumented, to someone named Barrack (omit middle name) Obama.

    The powers that were at ABC Family could not have dreamed a better plot outline. And instead of a whiny ‘did I do that?’ to the ensuing chaos ANY wannabe who really CAN’T interact properly causes, Barky got a Ayersism of ‘Hope and Change’ (in actuality, ‘Hoax and Chains’ but I guess its all in the local pronunciation).

    But, like his make believe ‘intelligent’ counterpart…Duh Won can’t leave well enough alone. Ever.

    Rather than just sit on the Hawaiian beachfront…watching the ‘workers’ decontaminate the raw sewage from Keihlani Bay, Barky decided to be all ‘Presidential’ and use his Top Secret(tm) Blackberry to…call Pootie about the START Treaty? Speak with John Boehner about his threats to repeal ObamaCare? Notify the EPA that Me!Chelle is overdoing the leg buttah again? Nah…instead the Leader…err, Reader (off TOTUS) decided to contact the owner of the NFL’s Philadelphia Eagles Jeffrey Lurie to CONGRATULATE HIM for ‘hiring’ Michael (watch your Beagle…he’s an Eagle) Vick.

    Yep. THAT was important and pressing to Dear Leader (because obviously Duh Won is cleaning up with Vick as his Fantasy Team QB…beating them cabinet members who didn’t ‘respect da man Vick enuf to keep it real’ and select him. Don’t you just KNOW that Hillary selected Tom Brady for her QB…it explains, if nothing else, her recent hair style choices). Barky also took the time to be Super DeDuper ‘Green’ and ‘applaud’ Lurie for using tax abatements to put windmills and solar panels around Lincoln Financial Field by next season. Yes…the lights and concession stand energy draws will ‘assisted’ by solar panels and windmills…during football season. In Philadelphia. That project will be ‘Obama charmed’ as well…just like…

    The great Urkel like success generated by a gratitious ‘look at me, I keep it real’ phone call from the Poser in Chief about Michael Vick. Yes…Barky ‘you did that.’ Your ‘good karma’ just washed over the Iggles…as they lost 24-14 to the Minnesota Vikings at Lincoln Financial last night in the ‘after Blizzard’ Tuesday Night Game.

    Note to successful pop culturites…’when Obama calls, disaster falls…’

    ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
    *No actual, legally recognized proof of Hawaiian residency.

    **No actual transcript from Occidental College; Columbia University; or Harvard Law School have EVER been presented. But it makes for a really sweet script.

    White House Appointee…Jon Bon Jovi?

    Really?

    The New York Slimes gushes its so:

    http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/15/bon-jovi-gets-white-house-appointment/

    With EVERYTHING else going on at the end of the year in DC (that busy, busy par-tay schedule he keeps with the Little Woman and all–not to mention the final dismantlements of the last bastion of Liberty on Planet Erf) our Dear Leader found the time to anoint, errr, appoint, Jon Bon Jovi (yes, a TMZ Memba Him?) to the newly formed (read worthless pandering photo op) ‘Council for Community Solutions.’

    Community Solutions? Jon Bon Jovi? Are these compounds of hair lighteners, thickners, and glossifiers? Will this be a new ‘hair brush ready’ job format for the Hair Club for Men? Nah…its a feel ‘good’ ‘enlightenment’ ‘program’ to blah, blah, blah.

    Bon Jovi, it seems had a swell, swanky, in an aging rocker kinda way, fundraiser for Duh Won back in 2008:

    http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2008/09/fundraiser_with_barack_obama_a.html

    at his Middletown, NJ manse…and now Barky is doing a little DC payback…who knew The Messiah was an air guitar fan?

    “Shot thru the wallet and you’re to blame…you give the Dollar a bad name…(bad name)…”

    (Note from Mare, I would have selected Bon Jovi’s ‘Wanted Dead or Alive…’ but I wasn’t ‘feeling’ “I’m a cowboy…on a Chevy Volt I ride…” it just doesn’t have that ‘wow’ factor).

    So, Bon Jovi did a fundraiser, and got a ‘Council’ appoinment. His fellow New Jersey Icon, Bruce Springsteen also shook down the botoxed Arena Rock glitterati for some Obot cold cash. So, as Bruce has been known for generations(!) as THE BOSS he probably will get ‘something’ labor related (I bet he has sung SOMETHING IN SPANISH–NAFTA!!!).

    The list of celeb paybacks is endless…Steven Spielberg for NASA!; George Lopez…DREAM Act!; the Ladies of the View ( Committee for Womyn’s Rights in the Islamic States…oh…wait…never mind, my bad). But the you get the picture.

    Our Poser in Chief, taking every op to pose.

    Me, I’m “Living on Prayer…” Pass the (all I can afford) Sauve…I feel a ‘Community Solution’ coming on.

    School Cancellations, Delays, iPhones, BlackBerrries and…

    The good old days?

    Ha! I never had snow days. Ever.

    I grew up in the City of Pittsburgh, went to Catholic schools (run by tough, no nonsense Nuns who apparently mastered the hills and valleys of the Burgh like it was the Iditarod). We never had school closed due to snow or cold (but I do remember the ‘Energy Crisis’ closing things down for a couple of weeks…maybe that is what got my interests in all things political going). So spartan was my childhood that I infact WALKED TO SCHOOL (and yes, it was uphill both ways…see above mentioning of Pittsburgh ‘hills and valleys). Everyday. For twelve years (we didn’t NEED no steeenking kindergarten…we hit the ground running in First Grade n’at.)

    But my kids? Well, we live in a sorta suburban, quasi exurban hinterland type place. Think Civil War era farmhouses and barns, post WWII ‘they don’t build ’em like that any more’ ranch style ‘hawses’ AND McMansions!!! Sometimes ALL on the same street!!! So…we have school buses, with bus numbers in the window to identify the route, bus stop itineraries (published in the local fish wrapper WELL in advance of the first day of school), stop signs that pop out from the sides and a big old swooopy arm thingy brushing the kiddies to safety in the front, and our District (being extra super dedooper awesome) has these annoying little blinky strobe lights on top. The buses also have the name of the District (I have to capitilize it) emblazoned on the side (so at sporting events OTHER school districts know which buses to pelt with snow balls, tomotatoes, etc.)…and ALL of this all of this grandeur, matriculating transit aplomb and thoughtful safety features…THEY CAN’T DRIVE THEM IN ANYTHING CLOSE TO THREE INCHES OF SNOW or GUARANTEE THEY WILL ALL START if the wind chills get below a certain point (which is due to FEDERAL regs on fuel types/additives/greenhouse gases and AlGore having to pay a huge divorce settlement from Tipper).

    So….when the buses have been ‘idled’ by GloBull Warming…the neighborhood roads that aren’t being graced by all things Big and Yellow, remain unplowed (because well…even plowing is now FOR THE CHILDREN!).

    Okay. I can live with that. And I can live with the knowledge that Western PA weather can change quickly (its the mountains, valleys, and rivers, and lake effects, oh my!) so decisions to cancel or delay must take alot of thought, consideration, and karma (like how many teens, allll at once channeling, ‘cancel, cancel…’). Its a daunting task. Or should I say was…

    Because now, after having at least ONE child in attendance in our School District SINCE 1993 (I do deserve a medal) I have seen cancellations and delays going from a spontaneous YET RARE ‘listen to the radio in the morning’ (and some poor DJ/Newsreader has to schlep thru 26,000 DIFFERENT Districts and Catholic schools (there is a special place in heaven for John Cigna…that man KNEW his Saints names and proper pronunciation!); to having the schools listed in alphabetical order (hey, that’s even educational!) on a ‘crawl’ on the bottom of the local TV early a.m. news at a slightly more amped up rate per school year (this being reflective of the ‘additives’ to the bus diesel)…to know having ‘an App for that…’ except I don’t have a SmartPhone…I have a BlackBerry. No biggie…So I have to load the local TV sites and scroll. Yep. That’s it…literally AT MY FINGER TIPS and people are complaining about ‘that’ being ‘too involved’ to do in the morning…(but the information is STILL on radio and TV as well!)

    Now, let’s review. Kids can’t get to school because there is more than three inches of snow (roads not safe, someone might sue); or its too cold (buses may not all start…and then the schedules won’t be kept, and someone might sue) AND now…the 2010 Parental Version 1.0 may NOT all have the ‘same’ technology and might….have…to…scroll…for multiple seconds…and I am waiting for ‘someone to sue’ on that.

    Pass the rock salt, and the a.m. radio. Its winter in Pennsylvania…

    And I wanna know, if my WordPress snow has been falling FOR WEEKS NOW…where is the accumulation at the bottom of the page???

    Can’t Keep the Wifey Waiting…

    So Barky bailed and left the Big Dawd in charge. I guess Duh Won didn’t take James Carville’s salient advice and borrow that ‘spare ball’ from Hillary, instead he borrowed her husband:

    http://finance.yahoo.com/news/At-Obamas-side-Clinton-backs-apf-4065249916.html?x=0&.v=1

    Really. He did.

    Now the true believers (and even at the DUmp and Kos, their herd is thinning) believe that, just like Newsweak said ‘the job is just too BIG for one person’ or how brilliant (!) Duh Won is for ‘asking for guidance.’

    ACORN maybe be firing those bloggers for out right lameness and vapid defense of Dear Leader. There really ISN’T any plausible reason for what occurred yesterday.

    Since Barky likes ‘car’ references so much (driving that Chevy Volt ten feet must have left a lasting impression) he ‘tossed’ America’s keys to Bill Clinton yesterday to ‘dash’ off to a ‘holiday party’ because he “already kept Michelle waiting for (gasps) a half an hour!”

    And this manchild is going to negotiate with Putin? Apparently he can’t even ‘splain the time demands of being President to Me!chelle.

    Clinton took the proverbial wheel; changed the oil, the transmission and brake fluids; rotated the tires; and gave the vehicle a nice shiny gloss finish…no mention of vehicles in ditches or political opponents sipping on Slurpees. And he wasn’t steering a Chevy Volt…no, Clinton, like just about every former President (Carter probably liked Yugos) he commanded a bigass, proud to be American made, souped up, armored Suburban. Because THAT is how its done Barry…

    For over half an hour, ten years passed his administration’s expiration date; with a couple of heart attacks under his now much smaller belt, Bill Clinton schooled Barrack. Big time. No TOTUS. No notes. No big screens in the back of the room or little screens on the podium feeding answers from a SWAT team of advisors. Clinton spoke about the bipartisan tax deal extending the Bush tax cuts; he went on about START. He fielded questions. He gave answers. Off the cuff…like he pays attention and understands the issues even though he is NOT in office any more.

    Ouch. And THAT reality may sting more than being henpecked by Me!chelle.

    Sputnik, Really?

    Our Dear Leader had such a busy, busy, lots to do day yesterday. Pheew…he really NEEDS that next vacay in Hawaii…

    Monday, December 6, while visiting the Research Triangle in North Carolina, Barky felt the need to ‘reference’ Sputnik:

    http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/12/06/whats-sputnik-obama-makes-s-space-race-rallying/

    Sputnik, the 1957 unmanned satellite wonderment of the USSR, to label our technological rebirth. Huh?

    Did Michelle, during her ‘earth tone’ redo of the Oval Office, place one of the those nifty 1950s ‘Satellite Clocks’ where, I dunno know, Winston Churchill’s bust used to sit? Is that why Duh Won has such an affinity of all things ‘mid-Century Modern?’ Even outmoded technology?

    Is Barky REALLY that detached from all things Americana that NASA’s Mercury, Apollo MANNED missions were forgotten? Are all nations (even those that epic failed and crumbled under Communism, like the USSR) now so universally ‘equal’ in his revisionist eyes, that Sputnik is on a level with the invention of the internal combustion engine; the Wright Brothers taking flight; electricity; the telephone; and all manner of medical advances. Nope…to a true disbeliever in anything positive EVER having occurred in America’s history, Sputnik was the Zenith (or Motorola) of the last century for the very reason IT WASN’T AMERICAN MADE.

    TOTUS (do they even make sheet glass in the US anymore?) spoke volumes yesterday. American history, apparently starts now, with our ‘historical’ (hysterical?) Dear Leader, and all advancements will be credited to his efforts; vision; image; persona and sweet b-ball skills.

    I guess it could have been worse, he could have been speaking of nuclear power (LOLz, I do crack myself up, I know, I know…only ‘green energies’ or those bought from Arab sheikdoms need apply ) and his speechifiers would have to figure out positives to mention about Chernobyl.

    I <3 James Harrison…

    Because he has become the Sarah Palin of the NFL…the much fined All-Star linebacker is the sporting equivalent of the much maligned former Vice Presidential candidate.

    He is not a former politician; he has not, to my knowledge given birth five times; nor does he have a travelogue of Alaska that bears his name. And for all I know, he might think John McCain is a third string Arizona Cardinal…but 92 of the Black and Gold is every bit a polarizing.

    You betcha.

    Anyone who watched NBC’s Sunday Night Football Game between the Stillerz and the Squeaky Black Birds (sorry, but Edgar Allan Poe and 300 pound line men are not an automatic mix) saw James Harrison on the bench; on the field; walking to the bench; getting as drink; sitting and standing.

    Why? Because the NBC crew ‘knew’ he would ‘do something’ that would ‘provoke’ ‘something.’ Like Palin at a fundraiser; in a greenroom (or in her own backyard) the media ‘expects’ something to happen, where eveh she is. James should see if ESPN will give him a commentator gig like Fox gave Sarah. Same difference…same media fascination.

    Last night, on any play he was involved in, at the end, Harrison continually was shown ‘helping’ Baltimore players to their feet after the whistle. Did he always do this? Is he softening his image (or trying to earns ‘tips’ to help with his 125K fine ‘jar?’) We know this because the camera NEVER left him….so much so that when fellow Steeler Heath Miller took a late, flagless helmet hit from Raven Jameel McClain, and as Miller frighteningly lay motionless…NBC’s producers saw fit to zoom on Harrison, on the bench, talking to his fellow Steeler defenders. It was pretty obvious he was saying ‘if that was me…’ If it had been a Harrison hit that immobilized a Raven opponent, he probably would have been pulled from the field; his car parked at the Pittsburgh Airport impounded, assets frozen, and Roger Goddell would have held an immediate presser.

    Miller was able to walk, though shakily, off the field on his own. Al Michaels and Chris Collingsworth discussed that at length that the Carr hit would be reviewed by the NFL, and that a penalty flag should have been thrown. A subsequent Harrison sack of Ravens’ QB Flacco was replayed (from all angles) to prove its ‘cleanness’ and ‘textbook form’ (kinda like the former Alaskan Governor’s FaceBook posts about ‘Death Panels’ being reviewed, parsed, and proclaimed ‘found’ in (for reals!) In ObamaCare… But that was not the end.

    After the Steeler win, during post game interviews, Harrison channeled his inner Palin (whether he knows it or not). Like any annoying lame streamer, NBC’s Andrea Kremer could’nt wait to ask Harrison about the McClain hit; and did 92 get all PC? Did he answer the breathless query with platitudes and deference to the NFL powers that be? Nah…like a Palin tweet or FB post, Harrison, eyes rolling steam literally coming off his head, gave audio to the former lip read ‘if I had made that hit…”

    James, start writing commentary on the palm of your hand…you’ll get your message ‘out’ around the mainstream sports media bias.

    You betcha!

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